Alternate Jennifer

Chapter One

Dr. Jennifer Keller was safely back on Atlantis after yet another life or death situation. Dr.Cole was taking her shift and she knew she should use the time to get some rest, but there was something she needed to do first. She'd been doing a lot of thinking recently, about her situation with Ronon and Rodney.
 
It had all started after Ronon had been changed by the wraith.  As she helped him through his addiction she began to know him, listening to his ramblings and soothing him when he was in pain. Without even realising it she had become quite attached to the giant Satedan. A few weeks after he had left the infirmary she had decided she would go and ask him for a drink or something. She had, however, bottled it and ended up just asking if he would help her with self-defense. After a few sessions and some more harmless flirting, she and Ronon were spending more of their free time together, and then Rodney got ill. She had always been friends with Rodney, and she was probably one of the few people aside from SGA1 who would put up with him for any amount of time. He wasn't the nicest guy in the world, but he was friendly to her, and a lot of fun to wind up. Then he had said something that had shocked her. "I love you, and  I have done for sometime".  That was the last thing she had been expecting. She had been touched, no-one apart from her family had ever told her that before, and she soon began to feel guilty; how could he have such strong feelings for her when she had only ever seen him as a friend.  Her flirtations with him had mainly been to help the guy out, he wasn't exactly good with people, let alone women. Now it seemed he had taken it all more seriously than she had thought.
 
After his confession, Jennifer decided to put a hold on any romantic notions for a while and just see what happened. She could be reading the whole situation wrong, after all Rodney was ill when he told her, and couldn't be a hundred percent sure on the context of his statement.  She had watched the video over and over trying to find a clue as to his motivation. Hadn't he, when he became disorientated or distressed, called for John and no-one else?  He might  not have meant anymore than friendship, like he was with John. She decided she would not hurt anyone's feelings, or make herself look stupid. These guys were friends, a team, and she was not going to be the person that got in between that. So she did nothing for the next few weeks, or she tried to do nothing.
 
As disaster came and went she found herself becoming closer with both Ronon and Rodney without even realising it was happening.  Training with Ronon was hard, he was after all amazingly handsome and more than once she felt herself blush when they got up close and personal, and she sensed he held her for longer than he would someone else when she landed pinned on the floor! Not to mention the amount of times he had made he laugh until she cried over some joke (normally at Rodney's expense). Rodney had also been spending more time with Jenn.  He seemed to be less grumpy than before though she wasn't sure if it was because of almost dying or wanting to impress her.  She was shocked when he offered to come with her to help a local village, and boy did that day out go wrong.  She had wondered about the guys behavior that day, they seemed a little more competitive than usual but she shrugged off the notion it was because of her; I mean how big headed was it to think they were both after her!
 
After a few months she began to really feel at home on Atlantis, she'd been here just over two years, but now she felt she belonged, and was even part of the 'popular' crowd spending most of her free time with John, Teyla, Rodney and Ronon. She had other friends, but she found herself wanting to spend time with these people, especially Rodney and Ronon. She had more in common with Rodney most of the time and she saw him as a good friend, but nothing more. He was quite good looking and she got on well with him, but he didn't make her heart skip when she saw him, and Ronon did. At first she put it down to him being imposing and amazingly good looking, but soon she was spending her time thinking about when she would see him in between training sessions. She almost wished he would get injured so he would come and see her more. However when he did start turning up more often she felt a little guilty at the idea that the marines and especially John seemed to be getting a lot more 'lucky shots' during training, just so Ronon could see more of her.

After the disastrous trip on the Deadelus, Jenn had seen a new side to Ronon; his impulsive, violent behaviour, the 'shoot first think later' motto he seemed to have. She had known Ronon was like this at times, she'd heard most of the stories, but she had never really been there when he was being reckless. It was then she realized his behavior was subconsciously part of the reason she had held back with him. They'd fought before when Rodney was ill and his forcefulness had shocked her, and even though she had conceded he was fighting for something he believed in and ultimately had been the reason she had been able to save Rodney, it had given her reason enough to pause.
 
She stood up, finaly deciding to sort this mess out once and for all, even if it did make her look foolish. If she was right in her assumptions she needed to do something now before it got out of hand. She had to go and find Mckay. 


Chapter Two


She thought about radioing him to find out where he was, but it seemed silly to do so for such a personal matter. She was about to leave the informary when she saw Dr. Jackson sitting up awake in bed.

'Dr. Jackson,' she said as she approached him.

'Please call me Daniel.'

'Right, so Daniel, how are you feeling?'

'Not too bad, no offense to you and your team but I am quite looking forward to going home.'

'None taken, is Dr. Mckay sorting out a new stargate?'

'Not personally, he should be trying reconfigure the shields so the Asgard can't get through if they decide to return.'

'Any idea where he would be doing that?.'

'Probably in Janus lab? Why you going to see him?'

'Well he's such a hypochondriac that when he doesn't turn up at the infirmary I start to think there could be something wrong!'
 
Daniel laughed,

'You should have known him when he was back at the SGC, always going on about his allergy to lemons!'

'He still does!' replied Jennifer smiling.

Jennifer checked where the 'secret lab' was and set off to find Rodney.  It didn't take her as long as she had expected and found herself hovering in the hallway. This was it, after this there was no going back. As she entered the lab Rodney was arguing with another scientist who, after a full dressing down from Rodney, left the lab at a fast scurry. Jennifer cleared her throat.
'What?' snapped Rodney.

'Nice to see you too,' replied Jenn with a hint of sarcasm.

'Oh hi, it's you, sorry, I um thought you were someone else.' he stammered slightly.

'Another underling to shout at,' she teased.

'He deserved that, messing with things he couldn't even begin to comprehend...'
 
Jennifer's laughter stopped him mid rant. 'So what can i do for you?'
'Dr. Jackson is awake.'

'Good good.'
 
 Jenn sat down at a work bench filled with artefacts, 'He'll be going back to the SGC as soon as we get the new gate up and working.'
 
She sat down and looked at the artefacts.

'And you came all the way down here to tell me that,'

'Actually there was something I wanted to ask you.'
 
The screen behind Rodney beeped.

'Hold that thought.' he said and turned to the computer screen.
 
Jennifer waited, and waited. She was used to this from Rodney when he worked. She started to examine the artefacts on the work bench in front of her and a shiny crystal. It was hand sized and had various buttons. It sat in a metal cradle with what seemed like a calculator sized computer, it appeared to be turned on.

'Rodney?'
 
He didn't move. She picked the crystal up to have a better look. Suddenly she felt a wave of nausea and could swear the room was moving. She grabbed hold of the desk and dropped the crystal back into its cradle. Phew! she thought to herself, mental note, dont pick up strange objects in an abandoned secret lab. Rodneys computer beeped loudly again.
'
Yes!' he proclaimed and turned around.

'Oh your still here, sorry, you said you wanted to ask me something?' Jennifer stood up, took and deep breath.

'I just wanted you to know, that, well, how can I put this, I like you...' Rodney stood up with a pained look on his face and interrupted her.

'Jennifer, I don't know what to say, I like you too, but only as a friend.' He then continued softly, 'I'm already seeing someone.'
 
Jennifer was somewhat taken aback, and a little indignant.

'Thats what I was going to say, well except for the seeing someone part.'

'You were, oh well thats good.' They both breathed a sigh of relief.

'I thought, after what happened..' he started.

'Me too,' she interrupted.

'Well I'm glad thats sorted."

'Right well I'd better be off then, I'll see you around.'
 
Jennifer left the lab feeling relieved and confused, who was Rodney seeing? She had thought they were quite close friends, but he had never mentioned anything to her. She decided it was none of her business and that after the teasing he had recieved over his relationship with Katie, she couldn't really blame him for keeping it quiet.

Her stomach growled and she decided to head to the mess hall for dinner. It was now 7pm and the mess was pretty busy.  She surveyed the room for any of her friends. She spotted Teyla, John and Ronon at a table on the far side of the room. She grabbed a tray of food and headed over, trying not to stare at Ronon the whole way.

'Hi guys. you mind if I join you.' and sat down next to John and opposite Teyla, without waiting for a response. John just stared at her and said nothing and neither did Ronon. The silence unnerved her, had she walked in on some conversation she shouldn't have? Luckily for Jennifer, Teyla broke the silence.

'Jennifer, how are you feeling?' smiling warmly at Jennifer, which made her feel a bit better.

'Glad to be alive.' she smiled back

'and Dr. Jackson is well?' she enquired.

'Yes he's off to the SGC as soon as the new gate is installed.'
 
There was silence again around the table. Ronon had hardly given her a second glance and she felt like an outsider. Was it something she had said? Was Ronon upset with her for running off and giving herself up?

'You guys ok?' she asked trying to break the silence.

'Fine' replied John somewhat curtly. 'Well its good to see you are well Dr. Keller, but I'm needed elsewhere.' With that he stood up said goodbye to Ronon and Teyla and left. Jennifer noticed he hadn't finished his dinner and sincerely hoped he hadn't left because of her. She turned and looked across the table to Ronon and smiled, his expression didn't change but at least he didn't seem to share John's animosity.  But soon he too got up and left the two women on their own, without saying a word to Jennifer other than a courteous goodbye.

'Did I do something wrong?' Jennifer asked Teyla when he was out of earshot.

'Of course not.  John's just got a lot on his mind at the moment.'

'And Ronon,' she asked, 'he barely said a word.'

'That's just Ronon, don't worry about him.' answered Teyla.
 
But for Jennifer it wasn't like Ronon, well Ronon a few months back maybe.
 
Maybe I should go talk to him she thought make sure I haven't upset him, she thought. Teyla noticed Jennifer wasn't completely satisfied with her answer.

'He is is still coming to terms with what happened with Tyre, it has been difficult for him.' she added.

'I suppose so,' Jennifer said. She did not think Teyla would hide anything from her, but she still found it hard to believe that he had suddenly regressed back into his solitary self.

'How is Torren?' Jennifer started changing the subject. They spoke for a while then left the mess hall together and walked towards their quarters. Jennifer said goodnight and headed for her room.
 
What a day she thought as she collapsed onto her bed. At least she had sorted out the Rodney problem, which, well had turned out not to be a problem at all. However Ronon's reaction to her at dinner made her think maybe she had imagined the whole thing, If Rodney wasn't into her, then maybe Ronon wasn't either, and it was all just her imagination, she had wanted to feel something and so she did. She was too exhausted to think about it anymore, so she had a bath and went to bed, hoping that everything would be better and clearer in the morning.

Chapter Three

Rodney stopped in to visit Daniel before he left, and after stealing his food, decided he should go and get some himself. When he reached the mess hall it was almost empty so he grabbed some dinner and went back to his quarters. When he entered the room, he saw John was waiting for him.

'Hey' he said and locked the door behind him.

'Hey.' John replied.
 
Rodney put the food he was carrying down and embraced John.  John pulled away slowly.

'Don't ever worry me like that again.' he announced before kissing him.

'I won't if you won't.' replied Rodney cheekily as he gratefully kissed John back. John grinned that irresistible smile.

'I'm just glad your safe.'

'Well I have you to thank for that, I believe.' Rodney retorted followed  by more kisses.

'I see you bought food, any for me? Keller came and sat with us at dinner and  I lost my appetite.'

'John, you weren't rude were you? She's finding it hard enough to fit in without you sniping at her every time you see her.'

'I was perfectly civil.' John said plainly, 'Though you know how much she annoys me, always finding a reason to spend time with you, flirting, and smiling that butter wouldn't melt smile.'

'John, shes not interested in me.'

'You really know nothing about women do you?'

'I suppose thats why I'm with you then. Anyway I spoke to her this evening, and I told her I wasn't interested.'

'You did? What did she say?'

'That she only liked me as a friend. Like I keep telling you.'

'Yeah right, I see the way she looks at you.'

'Since when did you become so jealous anyway.'
 
John sighed. 'I just hate that she thinks you're available, that everyone thinks your available. I mean we're grown men and yet we have to keep this a secret.'

'And you say I'm the one that complains.  At least we are together, and it might not always have to be like this, but as long as were on Atlantis and on the payroll we have to be discreet or you could be transferred and then where would we be.'

'I know your right, I'm sorry it just gets to me sometimes, and I know how hard it is for you. Sometimes I think you'd be better off with Keller.'

'Is that what you think.' Rodney was shocked. 'John, I'm with you, I love you, and everything that comes with it, even if it means keeping it a secret.'
 
John's eyes lit up and he grinned.

'Everything?' he asked, 'Including this?' He grabbed Rodney and kissed him forcefully.

'Especially this' Rodney managed to mumble before John lowered him onto the bed and he lost all higher reasoning.



Chapter 4

Jennifer suddenly felt sick, the room was spinning.  Hang on, she was sure she had been on the other side of the room a minute ago. She didnt have a chance to think about it as she collapsed on the floor.
 
Rodney spun round.  'Jennifer!' he shouted and ran over to her.  She opened her eyes.

'Rodney?' she smiled.

'Are you ok?'

'I'm fine, I just came over all dizzy.'

'You sure?'

'I am a doctor you know!.' She grinned at him as he helped her up.

'Yes, of course, you said you wanted to ask me something?'
 
Her heart raced, she didnt remember saying that.  She had only come down to get him on his own for a bit, he was so much nicer when it was just them.

'It's not important, I just wondered if you would look at my data from the mission, but it can wait. You're obviously busy.'

'Oh well I'll be happy too, but I've got to get the new sheild configuration right so we dont get anymore univited Asgard.'

'It's fine, I should probably get something to eat and rest up.

' Do you need me to walk you to the transporter?'

'I'll be fine Rodney. I'll talk to you tomorrow.'
 
Bless him, she thought.  He can really sweet when he wants to be. She smiled at him again and turned to leave.

'Jennifer?' he called after her.

'Yeah.' she spun around

'Lucky Ronon was with you today.'

'I suppose he comes in handy in a fight, although he wasn't exactly the most stimulating company. Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy, just not who I would have wanted.' she grinned cheekily.

'Really?, cause um I thought that was what women liked, the whole big and broody thing.'
 
Did he think she liked Ronon? The idea shocked her.

'I suppose some women might, but I prefer a more intellectual companion.' she flirted outrageously.  Her whole body language screamed - I mean you, Rodney duh!- and with a final flourish she left.

Rodney just stood there, speechless. He had been sure she liked Ronon; all the signs were there.  Thats why he had told Ronon he had 'intentions' for Jennifer, to push the poor guy into making a move, and the fact it gave him a good cover. Ever since he had realised his feelings for John, he had worried that people would notice.  He had never liked men before and panicked that someone would realise.Then there was the disaster, one far bigger than Arcturus in Rodney's mind - how he screwed up their friendship by telling John he loved him.
 
He kicked himself mentally as he replayed the moment over in his mind.

'You're stuck with me, Rodney, just accept it.'

'Yeah but I...'

'No, that's final'

'Okay'

'Okay'

'Your a good friend, Arthur.'
 
They had laughed at the hitchhikers joke, which had seemed fitting as they sat there in their pyjamas. John looked too cute with his bed hair and signature cheeky grin.

'Seriously, there is something I need to say, in case I can't later.'

'Rodney.' John warned.

'I love you, John.  I have done for some time now.'
 
John stopped mid drink, and Rodney turned away, cheeks burning.

'Rodney' he said again, this time softly, 'I... I don't know what to say.'

'It's ok, I just needed you to know, I'm sorry.'
 
Without realising what he was doing John learned over put his hand on Rodney's jaw and turned Rodney to face him. Rodney looked up and John kissed him gently.

'Its ok' was all he said and he moved back to his original position, and took another drink.
 
Nothing else was said that night, and nothing had been said since. It was obvious to Rodney that John didn't see him in that way, and had only kissed him as he thought Rodney was going to die. Now that Rodney wasn't dying John was avoiding him whenever necessary. John didn't even take him with Carson to Micheal's lab, instead leaving it the new Dr. Porter - whoever she was - to deal the technical issues.
 
So Rodney had gone offworld with Jennifer, as part of him trying to be the 'nicer person' everyone talked about when describing his illness, and it helped.  It meant he was avoiding John.  He hated the way John hardly even looked at him any more.
 
It was when Jennifer went missing he realised how bad the big man had it for her. He had been so mean, in his unerring goal to get her back safely; like a man possessed.  But he had never been able to let her know, so Rodney gave him a nudge. A nudge which had now completely backfired on him!
 
Hang on a minute, he had an idea. Of course he did, he was Dr. Rodney Mckay. If Jennifer wanted to be with him, why not?  I mean, they were friends, the romantic stuff might take a bit of forcing but if John really believed he was with Jennifer, maybe he could get his best friend back.

Jennifer decided not to go to the mess hall after she left Rodney.  She had food in her quarters and wasn't really in the mood for sitting in the mess hall on her own. She knew none of her friends would be there, as they were all doctors or nurses and most of them were working.
 
As she reached the main tower suddenly Ronon appeared.

'Hey.'

'Hey' Ok since when did Ronon say hey, especially to her?

'You all done for the day?' Now he's making conversation?

'Err yeh, Dr. Coles taking my shift, yeh.'

'Wanna grab something to eat?' Oh my God did he just ask me out? Did he tell Rodney this? Is that why he was asking her about Ronon?

She almost felt sorry for him, he looked kinda crushed, but then it was hard to tell, Ronon always looked so sullen.

Chapter 5

Jennifer woke up to the sound of her alarm. She sat up slowly. That was a lousy dream she thought. Instead of her usual dreams of her and Ronon in, well, compromising situations, she had dreamt she was breaking up with him. Well, not breaking up with him as they weren't together, but she had told him she was interested in someone else, which certainly wasn't true, so why did she dream it? She got up and tried to shake off the dream, no not dream, nightmare.
 
She stumbled into the shower, and tried to concentrate on something, anything other than the look on his face and how he had tried not to show it, but she knew that look. It gave her a knot in her stomach. And despite trying to justify his behaviour last night, Jennifer Keller was well and truly confused. As she left for the infirmary she made herself ignore the nagging feeling in the back of her head and to throw herself into her work, it was after all what she was best at.

Over the next few weeks Jennifer had begun to feel more and more isolated. John had not repeated his strange behaviour from that evening, and although he was pleasant she didn't feel she could just sit and talk to him like she had done. Not that he was around much, he and Rodney had seemed to have stopped avoiding each other and were spending more time together. She was glad to see they were friends again but what with work, spending time with John and disappearing off to meet with his secret date, Rodney had less and less time for Jennifer. Teyla was as friendly as usual but Torren kept her busy most of the time when she wasn't at work. The group of friends she had felt so much a part of, just a few weeks ago, seemed to have fallen apart.

As for Ronon, he stopped coming into the infirmary, there were no more 'lucky shots' from the marines. Training with him was now non-existent.  He would have had to talk to her in order to arrange a session and for that he would need to be in the same room as her for more than a few minutes. She had considered approaching him but every time she saw him he was sullen and gruff.  He just seemed to stand around glaring at people who got in his way. She wanted to reach out to him, ask him what was wrong, comfort him, but she feared he was angry with her and so started to keep her distance. She missed his presence, she had become so used to it. She had loved how he hovered around the infirmary, waiting until she was free to talk to him, and how he used just pop up out of nowhere with some anecdote to make her laugh. Not to mention how much she missed looking at him, touching him just being close to him.
 
She didn't even dream about him anymore, not after the 'break up dream'.  For a day or so she had even wondered if it had been real, but she continued to have more dreams, just as vivid. It was always her, almost repeating her day, but with minor changes, a different hairstyle, a different shift, and the fact that her dream self seemed to be constantly 'bumping' into Rodney and flirting like a teenager. She just couldn't understand it. Selfishly she wished Kate Heightmeyer was still alive so she could ask her what she thought, but she wasn't alive and Jennifer didn't feel comfortable talking to her replacement about something so personal. So she ignored the dream.
 
It wasn't as if she had much time to dwell on it, Atlantis was as busy as usual, and even when Carson returned for a while it didn't feel like her workload lessened. Then Micheal returned, and tried to steal Torren and take out Atlantis, and in doing so he almost killed Ronon. Thats when things began to change.


Chapter 6

When Ronon was rushed into the infirmary unconscious and severely beaten, Jennifer almost panicked, but instead her medical training kicked in and she began to check his vitals and shouted instructions to her team around her. His pulse was weak but he was still alive, just. Not many men could have taken this type of beating and survived, but Ronon had. She managed to stabilize him, thanking every deity under the sun that he was alive. On further examination he had 3 broken ribs, a broken leg. He had dislocated his shoulder, and was covered in minor cuts, bruises, and electrical burns, not to mention a concussion. When she found out he had fallen from the gate room balcony she was even more amazed at how lucky he had been.

She sat by him all night, finally falling asleep in her chair in the early hours of the morning, until a nurse walked past with a tray and she jolted awake. After checking on his vitals, and noting he was recovering well, she lessened his sedative to allow him to wake him. She had said the team could come and visit this morning, and it would take him a while. She was just leaving his bedside when Teyla arrived holding Torren.

'Good morning Jennifer, I hope I am not too early, only I have been up with Torren for an hour now and it is too late to return to bed.'

'No its fine, I've just lessened his sedative and he should be awake in the next 15 minutes or so.'

'How is he? Really?' Teyla sounded worried.

'He was pretty beaten, and he landed badly.' (though it could have been much worse she thought to herself) 'But he's a fighter and it'll take more than that to take down our big guy,' she smiled warmly at Teyla.

Teyla put her hand on Jennifers arm, 'You look exhausted, perhaps you go and get some rest.'

As much as she didn't want to leave Ronon, she didn't want to be around him when he woke up. Not yet. She wanted answers for what she was feeling, wanted him to talk to her, tell her how he was feeling, help her understand. But this wasn't the time or the place, he was injured and not exactly in a fit state for heavy discussion. Besides Teyla was right she was exhausted.

'I think I just might do that. Dr. Cole will on duty soon if he needs anything.' Jennifer turned to leave but stopped in the doorway.

'Teyla, if you ever want to talk, about what happened, or anything, you know where to find me.' Teyla just nodded and Jennifer left her and Ronon together.

Jennifer walked slowly back to her room, as she reached the main quarters she heard hushed voices around the corner and slowed down, trying to hear when was being said.

John, cut it out.'

'Aww come on Rodney, no-ones about.'

'But we're supposed to be going to see Ronon, remember.'

'I'm sure he'll survive without our company for a few more minutes.'

Jennifer stopped just before she walked past the turning to John's quarters.


'But I'm not sure I can go all morning without another kiss.'

Jennifer slowly took in what she was hearing. John and Rodney, an item, she hadn't seen that one coming. Rodney she could almost believe but John, he had always been such a ladies man. No wonder Rodney hadn't told her who he was with, and in fact it explained quite a lot of odd behavior recently.

She backed up the hallway a bit then, started walking again making as much noise as possible to alert them to her presence and she walked straight past the turning and pretended not to notice they were even there. She didn't want to embarrass the poor guys. Good luck to them she thought. The more she thought about it the more it made sense. If only she could have as much success with her own love life, but the guy she liked hadn't even seemed to noticed she still exist recently.

She sighed, only she could come to another galaxy meet the most amazing guy and screw it up without even realizing how. But it wasn't just Ronon's actions toward her that upset her, it was his whole presence; he was in pain on the inside and she could see it. She often wondered if anyone else did.

Chapter 7

Things with Rodney were going well, at least better than they had been. He was spending more time with her and seemed to be reciprocating her attentions for the most part. She had decided not to rush things, she didn't want to scare him off. She could tell he was a little unsure, she'd just have to coax it out of him.

Rodney's plan to flirt with Jennifer was going ok. She seemed extremely flirtatious and never passed up an opportunity to see him. He laughed loudly with her, and flirted back whenever John was around, and sure enough John began avoiding him less and less.

Soon they were almost back to normal, though no comment was ever made to suggest there had ever been anything wrong.

There had been a few tense moments. During Micheal's siege, John had almost sacrificed himself to destroy Micheal's jumper and Rodney had been torn in two.

He saw the way John had looked at him and said 'What?' as if he was worried Rodney would say something stupid again.

'Well, it's just what you're about to do is...'

'Yeh well it's not like its the first time. How many suicide missions have I flown?'

'I don't know. I lost count.'

'Well then there you go.'

Part of him had wanted grab him, shake him till he saw sense. But he knew John would have done anything for his friends, including die to save them. It was part of why he loved him, and what made him want to just kiss him and tell him he would always be loved, no matter what. He held his composure and though it pained him, he held out his hand.

'All right, well you know, here's to many more.

The look in John's eyes reminded him of that night on the pier and that one small earth shattering kiss, and then Zelenka interrupted and John turned away.

His feelings were driving him mad. He had to get John off his mind. A few days later he realized John wasn't returning to earth on leave, along with Rodney and the others and Rodney felt slightly abandoned. That meant 5 weeks apart. He hoped John wasn't avoiding him again. Damn it! He hadn't even said anything! Come on, Rodney, pull yourself together. Think properly. Yes, that's it. got it. He would use his time to woo Jennifer. He had been invited to that physics thing. This is your chance to show John what happened that night on the pier was just his illness talking.

He walked slowly to the infirmary. Jennifer was in one of the small computer labs just off the main infirmary.

'Hey' he said as he entered the room.

Jennifer looked up from her computer and smiled.
'Hey yourself, what can I do for you?'

'Well, um I was just about to go and get some lunch and I wondered if you were hungry?'

'What time is it? Wow! I hadn't realized how long I'd been here. I think I can take a break for a bit.'

Insert Brain Storm

Chapter 8

Ronon was asleep again when she returned later that day. She checked on him first before completing her evening rounds. For once she was glad she was on the nightshift. People might start to ask questions if she spent another night watching him when she wasn't supposed to, and that was exactly what she planned to do. She sat at a desk in the main infirmary and watched him sleep. He wasn't sleeping peacefully, and she wondered what he was dreaming about, what was making him so restless.

When Ronon woke next it was dark in the infirmary, and for a minute he wondered where he was. Bloody infirmary he thought and began to remember what had happened. Teyla had been here, she had killed Micheal while he was out cold. He tried to move. Pain surged through his entire body, and as it did he remembered his fight with Micheal and clenched his fists, only to cause him more pain. He looked down to find his hands were bandaged. The anger welled up inside him and he growled. That bastard, I should have killed him when I had the chance, for what he was, for everything he had done to the galaxy, to Teyla. He should have killed him for Teyla. His head started to clear and his anger increased. He pulled the IV out of his arm, he had to get out of here, to hit something, anything. He tried to get out of the bed, but due to the cast on his leg he wasn't expecting, he fell to floor.

'Ronon!' Jennifer re-entered the infirmary after leaving to get a coffee to find him collapsing on the floor, cursing worse than a marine. She ran over to him and tried to help him up.

'Get Off!' He shouted swatting her away.

Jennifer snapped 'RONON DEX! What the hell is wrong with you?'

'You're the doctor you tell me!.' He was fuming with rage. He couldn't even stand up. He pulled himself up pain searing through his body, he was beginning to feel the full extent of his injuries.

'Well to start with you have a broken leg, 3 broken ribs, a slight concussion, and are in absolutely no state to go anywhere except back into that bed!.' She tried to remain professional.

'I am not being stuck in here.' he tried to move forwards but had to catch himself on the bed, putting pressure on his shoulder. He emitted another low growl. Thats when Jennifer completely lost it.

'Why because your stuck here with me? What exactly did I do, Ronon? Tell me what I did that was so bad. What was it that has made you hate me so much that you don't even want to stay in the infirmary even though you just almost died.' As she got to the end of her rant her voice softened, he had almost died.

'After everything that has happened.' she started to tremble.

Ronon was suddenly dumbstruck by her outburst. What on earth was she talking about?

'Dr. Keller?' He said softly, suddenly worried.

That was the last straw and she could no longer hold back the tears. He wouldn't even call her by her first name.

'I'm sorry I shouldn't have shouted at you. I just hate being cooped up when theres still wraith out there,' he wasn't quite sure what else to say to the sobbing doctor.

Jennifer stood there in disbelief. Was he so clueless as to his actions, or did the bang on the head affect him more than she had thought.

'I don't understand why you would take it so personally.' he tried, almost afraid to make the situation worse.

Jennifer slumped into the chair next to the bed.

'Because ever since you came with me on the Deadelus you've been avoiding me.'

Ronon was still confused, why would she have wanted to see him,. It's not like they had been friends.

'I wasn't purposely avoiding you, I just didn't think you would want to see me.' he answered matter of factly.

'Why not?' pushed Jennifer.

'Well you were pretty pissed at me, especially when I started shooting stuff!'

'I was, at first, but I know you're so much more than that, besides you did save my life, that tends to warm you up to a person,' she smiled at him.

Ronon looked at the doctor, and decided to get back into his bed.

'What do you mean, much more than that?'

'The violence, the killing, the recklessness, what keeps you and those around you alive, but its not all you are Ronon and you seem to have forgotten that.'

Ronon was once again shocked by the small doctor. No-one had ever told him that, he was seen for his strength, his skill. His ability to kill 20 wraith in hand to hand combat. And yet here was a small beautiful doctor telling him there was more, and from the look in her eyes she meant it. What could he say to that, he laid back on the bed and thought for a moment. Jennifer hadn't moved.

'You really believe that don't you?'

'Of course I do. You're a good person, although slightly dense at times.' she laughed softly.

Ronon didn't get the joke, but he was glad she was laughing.

'Except I managed to upset you.'

'I just hate not knowing why you were ignoring me when I could see you were in pain.'

Ronon felt like he was missing half a story but decided not to confuse the poor doctor.

'I suppose I'm just not good at asking for help, I didn't mean to cause offense.' He hoped that would make her feel better, he hated that he had somehow even though he wasn't sure how, had upset her.

Jennifer stood up, and tried to shake herself from her self pity.

'Its ok, I suppose I'm just a little on edge at the moment, things haven't exactly been relaxing at the moment.'

'As long as your ok?' he enquired.

'I'm fine. You on the other hand are not.' she went back into doctor mode. 'You need to rest, and I need to reattach your IV and restitch you knuckles.'

He looked down, and saw blood seeping through his bandages. He had completely forgotten about the pain. She disappeared off to get new bandages and he just laid there, quietly going over their conversation to see if he had missed something. He didn't think he had, maybe it was due to the concussion, all he knew if that for some reason he was suddenly extremely interested in this little doctor.

She returned and busied himself with tending to him, he didn't notice what she was doing despite the fact he watched her every move. Then she turned said goodnight and went back to her desk. And just like that the wildman had been tamed, if only slightly, and if any of the other patients had woken up during their conversation, they were pretending not to.

Ronon decided he wanted to know more about this doctor. He didn't even know her first name, yet all of a sudden he wanted her to be around, he watched her at her desk until he began to fall asleep again.

Chapter 9

'Hey. Check that out'.

'What?'

'D'you think he's ever gonna make a move?' John asked as he motioned towards Rodney and Jennifer.

'Who cares?' Ronon replied, although it sounded to John as though he did care.

'Hmm.' Ronon walked off and John stared and the two laughing away. He had thought after what Ronon had said a while back that he was going to ask her out, then all of a sudden she was all over Rodney. He felt a pang of jealousy but dismissed it. This was Rodney, he deserved to be happy. There was no reason for him to be jealous of his friends being happy. Somewhere inside John knew the real reason for his jealousy but he wasn't ready to admit that to himself. He turned away and followed Ronon to their own table.

'You alright buddy?' John asked.

'Sure.' was the only reply John was going to get.

'So you seen Amelia recently?'

'And why would you ask that?'

'Oh nothing, I just overheard her telling Chuck, how much of a great training partner you are.'

'Really? she said that?'

'Yeh, Chuck seemed really impressed.' John burst out laughing, and Ronon threw his apple at John.

'Ouch, now now there's no need to throw food.'

'Hmph'

'And from that reaction I'm guessing you like her.'

'She's nice.'

'Nice? you do have a way with words.'

'Whatever.'

'We could ask her to come surfing with us?'

'She can't. She's not on leave.'

John smiled at the fact Ronon already knew this, but decided not to push the matter further.

'So you got all the beer we're going to need?' Ronon changed the subject anyway.

'Yep, and I even got Radek to part with some of his most recent produce.'

'How'd you manage that one?'

'I told him he was better than Mckay.'

'And he believed you?'

'Don't know, but he gave me the drink.'

Chapter 10


It was early in the morning but Ronon was awake, he had refused more pain killers and couldn't sleep. He didn't mind the pain, it reminded him he was still alive and part of him felt like he deserved it. After everything he had done to his team - all the pain he had put them through. They had forgiven him but Ronon had not forgiven himself, and he hadn't been able to forgive Tyre until it was too late. They were times it felt like yesterday that John had given him Tyre's sword as he had sat in the same infirmary bed. Another wave of guilt washed over him. How could Jennifer (he had found out her name yesterday) think he was a good person when she hardly knew him. Yet she had seemed so sure, and the intensity in her eyes, her beautiful eyes. He sighed, and not for the first time in the last 24 hours ran his fingers over his knuckles that she had bandaged with such care. There was something about what she said that he wanted to believe. He wanted her to show him how to change, if of course he could, and there was only one way to find out.

Ronon became a model patient. Well, for Jennifer he was. He would sometimes glare at the other doctors when they fussed around him, but whenever she was around he seemed calmer and the others had started to notice. He stopped complaining about being stuck in bed, instead spending his time asking about Jennifer. At first he asked Teyla a few subtle questions, but before long he was harassing Rodney for information whenever he was about. He watched her when she worked, after a while he began to talk to her more, and even started telling her funny stories about old missions. He soon become captivated by the way she laughed, and tried harder and harder to see her laugh whenever possible. although he was content with just watching her, doing what she did best, helping people. Part of him wished he never had to leave just so he could spend his time with her, but there was a galaxy to save and whenever she wasn't about he found himself becoming restless.

Jennifer had been hurt by his earlier behavior, yet she was drawn to him, she started to spend a lot more time in the infirmary, with him. She wanted to ask him about what had happened, why he had suddenly become distant. There was just something missing, and not just with Ronon, Atlantis just somehow seemed different, but she couldn't work out why.

The dreams had continued. At first she had tried to ignore them, but it didn't work. She tried taking sleeping pills, but nothing was working, and if it wasn't for Ronon she didn't know if she could have stayed sane. Then one morning she woke up suddenly in a panic. OK things had gone too far. Sex, on a plane with Rodney? Something was defiantly wrong. She would never, ever imagine that in a million years. She had to do something, and soon, but what? She would go and talk to Teyla. She might be able to help. In the meantime she had to get that image out of her head, she looked at the clock by her bed. It was half 5, she got dressed and headed for the infirmary.

Chapter 11


After a week of surfing, Ronon was pretty good. Of course he was thought John, he's good at everything. He had yet to teach Ronon a sport in which hadn't been able to beat him in. The two of them sat on the beach, with a beer.

'Ahhh, now this is the life huh?'

'I have to admit John, its pretty good.'

John grinned, 'You know your doing a very accurate portrayal of my mate Steve from high school?'

'The guy you named the wraith after?' Ronon's eyebrows raised.

'No that was a different Steve, I'm talking about Steve Fisher, great guy, spent all the time at the beach, just sitting on it in his Hawaiian shorts, drinking, surrounded by a bunch of cute girls. Had absolutely no idea how to surf though!'

'Whats wrong with my shorts? I quite like them, much better than the wetsuit your wearing.'

'I'll have you know its more aerodynamic, makes it easier to surf.'

'Doesn't seem to help you much.'

'Hey.' John objected half heartedly. 'Anyway I was thinking about a fire on the beach tonight,'

'As opposed to five minuets from the beach, like we've done every night so far.'

'Exactly. mix it up a bit.'

'Fair enough, I believe its your turn to get the wood.' Ronon finished his beer, 'I'm off to get dressed.'

He stood up and left before John had a chance to protest. When he returned a few minutes later John was gone. He sat down on the sand and looked out to sea. He wished he could have been here with Jennifer Hell, he wished he could have been anywhere with Jennifer. Dammit, now he had the image of her and Mckay at some fancy event. Him showing her off to all his mates. He had to stop thinking about her. She wasn't interested, and her and Mckay seemed happy enough. He pulled another beer from the cooler and started to drink what was his third beer. He still found it odd drinking from a can, but he liked the beers from earth and they kept cold well. Maybe, he allowed his thoughts to continue, he was so hung up on her as she was the first women he'd liked in, well, too long. He thought about Amelia. She was certainly attractive, and he had enjoyed spending time with her.

'Penny for them?' John had returned arms full of firewood he promptly dropped on the sand in front of Ronon.

'Huh?'

'Your thoughts, what you thinking about?'

'Nothing, just enjoying the moment.'

'Yeh, well don't get used to it. You've got a fire to start, while I get more wood.'

Half an hour later they were sitting in front of a pretty impressive fire.

'You know lighting it with your blaster is cheating!'

'Why?'

'It just is. Damn, did you take the last beer?' accused John as he rummaged around in the cooler.

'Maybe,' he pulled out a bottle of Zelenka's home brew.

'I'll just have to start on this then.'

It didn't take long for Ronon and John to feel the effects of the alcohol and lounged around lazily.

'So, big guy, you going to tell me what happened between you and the Doc?'

'Nothing.'

'Come on, one minute your following her around like a lost puppy then suddenly your moping and she off with Mckay.'

'I'm telling you, nothing happened, she doesnt like me, end of story.' he shrugged.

'And how did come by this brilliant conclusion?'

'She told me.'

'Oh. Sorry.' He gave Ronon a pat on the back.

'What's so great about her anyway?'

'Dunno.'
'Well then I say you need to get straight back in the saddle!'

'Huh?'

'You need to find someone else.'

'Uhuh? I do, do I?'

'Tried and tested method my friend, so you going to talk to Amelia?

'Might do.'

'Thats my boy,' he gave Ronon a hearty slap on his back this time and he almost spilt his drink.'I mean if Dr. Keller wants to date Mckay then good luck to her.'

'Are we still talking about this?'

'Sorry.....but I mean no-one can put up with Mckay for long.'

'You do.'

'Yea but I have to.'

'True.' and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

'I mean he'll drive her crazy before they even get back to Atlantis.'

'What the hell is your obsession?' Ronon snapped slightly.

'Huh?'

'With Mckay and Keller,' you've been talking about it all week, it's like your jealous. Don't tell me you like her as well. No wonder you keep asking me about Amelia.'

'No, no its not that.'

'Hmph, come on John, I've seen you and women.'

'Hey, what do you mean.'

'You've got women on almost every planet we've been to, I believe Mckay calls it Kirking.'

'I'm not that bad, I just haven't found the right one.'

'At this rate, there aren't going to be any left.'

Ronon's word filtered through John, and he let himself realize what he had been hiding. He didnt want any of those women because he wanted Rodney. He was in love with a man, and not just any man, Meridith Rodney Mckay. The man who drove him up the wall more times than anyone else in two galaxies, the most arrogant man on Atlantis who constantly saved his life, and been by his side for the last five years making him laugh and has supported him through disaster as well as triumph.

'You ok?' asked Ronon. 'I was only winding you up.'

'Huh? No I was just thinking.'

'Penny for them.' Ronon grinned.

'Its Rodney,' he announced, barely able to believe what he was saying. 'I'm jealous of Keller, and I've just realized.'

'Mckay?' Enquired Ronon carefully.

'Yeh, I'm in love with Rodney.'

Ronon took a deep breath in.

'Well I didn't see that one coming.'

'Tell me about it.' replied John.


Chapter 12

It was still early when she arrived at the infirmary. As she entered she saw Ronon, standing by the side of his bed, arguing with Marie.

'Uhum,' she announced her presence as she approached them.

'Dr. Keller, our patient is insisting he can go for a walk with a broken leg.'

'I can use those crutch things.'

'Not with your shoulder still healing.' Marie argued.

'I've dislocated it hundreds of times, its fine.'

'Ok, how about a compromise.' Jennifer announced.

'You can go for a short walk, if I accompany you.'

'Suppose.' shrugged Ronon.

'I'll go get some crutches,' smiled Marie, she had noticed how much of a shine Jennifer had taken to the big guy.

'Thanks Marie. And you need to stop being so argumentative with my staff!'

'Sorry, can't deny it worked though.' He gave her a smile that almost made her melt.

Ten minutes later a hobbling Ronon accompanied by Jennifer left the infirmary for the nearest transporter, then down a few levels to a large outdoor balcony that stretched
all the way around the infirmary's tower.

'Thanks, for letting me get out of there. Was going crazy.'

'It's all right, It'll probably be good for you, if you don't' push yourself!'

Ronon could see how much she meant what she said when she gave him orders, so he tended to listen more carefully, no matter how frustrated he got.

'How are you feeling anyway?'

'Apart from a broken leg, I'm doing pretty well.' he smiled

She loved it when he smiled. 'So, I'm a pretty good doctor then?' she nudged him gently.

'I'd say so.' His smile widened into a grin. He really was feeling good, she had done more than heal his injuries, she'd made him feel alive again without having to feel pain.

'So..' he started.

'So..' She encouraged him.

'You know I'm not normally a very talkative person.'

'That's just what you want people to think. It goes with the big and broody warrior look.' she teased.

'I do not.' he argued weakly. She laughed.

'So..?' she said again, making him laugh. He couldn't remember the last time he laughed as much as he did when he was with her. His mind whirled, he wanted to keep talking, but he didn't know what to say. After a minute he asked,
'Why are you helping me?'

'I'm your doctor, it's my job.' She answered unconvincingly.

'And you take all your patients on early morning walks?'

'Only those that won't stay in bed.' she teased, 'Speaking of which you should probably sit for a bit.'

He was about to resist when he saw the look in her eye and decided to do as she said. She sat down next to him, and from out of nowhere he held her hand. It send tingles through her whole body. She turned to face him, even with the cuts and bruises he made her want to melt. In fact his injuries seemed to make him even sexier, not that she had thought it was possible. She squeezed his hand gently and in response he leaned towards her, she closed her eyes, expecting him to kiss her, she could feel the electricity in the air. He rearranged a strand of her hair, stroking her face as he did it. She opened her eyes and looked deeply into his eyes.

'I think I'm falling in love with you.'

The last of her ever fading reserve was gone and she kissed him, he kissed her back, softly and boy was he a good kisser. It was everything she had wanted, but something was nagging her, something didn't feel right, she yelled at the voice in her mind to shut up but it wouldn't, so she pulled away from the most amazing kiss she had ever experienced.

'Are you ok?' Ronon asked, wondering why she had kissed him so passionately then suddenly pulled away.

'Yeh, I suppose I was just expecting some kind of interruption like last time.' she excused.

Ronon looked puzzed. 'Last time?'

'Yeh, you know, during the false quarantine.'

'Jennifer, I've never kissed you before, I think I would remember.'

'I know we didn't kiss, Zelenka saved the day before we could.'

'Jennifer,' he said softly ' I don't know what your talking about, are you ok?'

'What? You don't remember? It was that memorable huh?' She was crushed and it was going so well, what was with this guy?

'No I mean I wasn't trapped with you during the quarantine.'

'Of course you were, I was stitching your arm when we got trapped.'

Ronon continued to look puzzed.

Was she going mad? 'We tried to break the doors down using the oxygen tanks.' her voice was becoming higher higher pitched.

'Jennifer,' he gently held her arm, 'I was in the gym with Lorne and I blasted the door open.' Jennifer stood up and began pacing.

'Something is wrong here.' she muttered.

Ronon pulled himself up onto his crutches. 'Jennifer?' he asked softly worried by her behaviour.

'I need to talk to Teyla,' she announced.

'You can talk to me.' He put his hand on her arm to stop her pacing. She was shaking.

'What's wrong?'

'I don't know, she whispered, 'I really don't know.' she repeated.

Ronon pulled her close and held her.

'It's ok, we'll work it out.' He stroked her hair and she held him tightly not wanting to let go for fear that everything would disappear. After a few minutes, when she seemed to have stopped shaking he said, 'Come on, lets go find Teyla.'

Chapter 13

After two weeks of surfing, camping and a lot of thinking Ronon and John returned to Atlantis. John hadn't said anything else about Rodney and Ronon hadn't asked. Ronon headed straight for his quarters and take a shower and unpack. It was late afternoon and he had decided to take John's advice and headed for the control room. Amelia was sitting in her usual spot.

'Hey,' he said.
 
'Ronon, hi.' she smiled. 'Good trip?'

'Yeh thanks,' he stalled slightly.'I was wondering if you felt like sparing later, if your free.'

'Sure, sounds good, about 6?'

'I'll meet you in the gym.' he smiled.

'Cool.' she smiled back and he turned slowly and left wondering what to do with himself until 6 o clock.
 
'Two weeks on vacation and the first thing he does is come and see you.' Chuck said as soon as he was sure Ronon was out of earshot.  He raised his eyebrows.

'I don't know what you're talking about Chuck, he just wants to let off some steam.'

'I'm sure he does, ahem.'
 
Amelia couldnt stop herself from grinning.  'What was that Chuck, I didnt quite hear you?'

'All I'm saying is that sounded like him asking you on a date.'

'An hour of fighting is not a date.'

'It might be to him, he's well... you know.'

'An amazingly gorgeous fighting machine?'

'Something like that.'
 
Amelia just smiled and got back to work.

John was glad Ronon hadn't asked about his little confession.  He didn't want to talk about it, damn Zelenka's home brew. He wasn't sure he even wanted to realize himself, let alone tell Ronon. He went back to his room and unpacked, washed and decided to go for a run.
 
Being back on Atlantis after his little revelation felt weird. He didn't have a route in mind, he just started running. After half an hour he stopped at the pier where he and Rodney had sat that night. He hadn't come here intentionally he just did. He sat on the edge and allowed himself to wallow in his memories. He had kissed him, but he hadn't known why, it was just an impulse, he hadn't realized until last week why, and he kicked himself. But he hadn't, and now Rodney was off somewhere on earth with Jennifer, and that night was forgotten by Rodney. He had said he didn't remember much from being ill.  And even if he did, would it change things?  I mean, even if it wasn't the illness talking, doesn't mean Rodney meant it, or would want to be with him. He was probably better off with Keller anyway. He allowed himself to wallow in his stupidity for a while longer before telling himself to snap out of it. With that thought he stood up and started running again.